Somebody sent this to me in an email… I thought it was pretty good, so I posted it here… enjoy!
Women’s Perfect Breakfast
A woman’s perfect breakfast: She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And, her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.”
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.
“Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.
“Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.”
“You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.
“Sectional, schmectional,” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”
Hey! Wait a Minute…
I said to my wife, “Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one.”
She replied, “I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis in apartment 23.”
No Cabbage For You
Two elderly ladies meet at the laundromat after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing.
“Oh! Harold died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”
“Oh dear! I’m very sorry,” replied her friend. “What did you do?”
“Well, I opened a can of peas instead!”