Some Advice For Men

A Friend of Mine sent this to me… I thought it was pretty good… Enjoy!

  1. If lifting the toilet seat is so exhausting, learn to aim better.
  2. Do not fool yourself into believing that combing your hair over makes you look less bald and does not make you an object of ridicule when we see you in the bar/street/office.
  3. Do not bother to search for the perfect present. We know your limitations and will settle for something we can return at a later date. And here’s a hint: exercise machines and cookware will not be met with anything other than hostility, even if we ask for them.
  4. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Get over it.
  5. Waiting on you hand and foot when you are ill is not a mark of how much we love you. If you are sick, go to the doctor. If you don’t want to go to the doctor, shut the hell up and get your own Kleenex.
  6. Anything you can do while drinking beer and smoking is not a sport and we will never think of it that way.
  7. You have enough ratty t-shirts. You do not use enough Speed Stick on the weekends.
  8. We cry. It’s genetic. Let it go.
  9. Your ex-girlfriend is a bitch. Comparisons are made at your own risk.
  10. Do not offer us unsolicited advice. If we want to be told how to do something, we will ask an expert. More than likely, this will not be you.
  11. Refusing to ask for directions when you are lost does not make you more of a man.
  12. Whenever possible, ask us for sex when the commercials start so that if we say “yes” we won’t miss anything.
  13. Do not give us the silent treatment. The things we will do to make you speak will annoy you far more than the five minutes you could have spent talking about the problem.
  14. Pot bellies are for pigs.
  15. Sometimes, we are thinking of Russell Crowe. Shut up and be thankful if this cures a 17 week headache.
  16. One speculum beats one “turn your head and cough” every time.
  17. It is not PMS. You are just annoying at exactly the wrong time. (That’s why PMS stands for Permanent Male Stupidity).
  18. If you can remember Hank Aaron’s batting average, you can remember our birthdays and anniversaries, so stop making excuses and get a PDA.
  19. If you stop complaining about the number of shoes we have and don’t wear, we’ll stop complaining about the number of tools you have and don’t use.
  20. It is 2005. We understand sports, computers and cars. We may not wish to spend countless hours playing and/or discussing any of them.
  21. Acting a little jealous is cute. Being maniacally possessive is a restraining order.

Author: Adrian Bacon

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