In Heaven

An 85-year-old couple, after being happily married for almost 60 years, died together in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to Mom’s interest in health food and proper diet.

When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their luxury mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bedroom suite and a fancy in-house Jacuzzi. The old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. “It’s free,” St. Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next, they went out the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home faced upon. They would have golfing privileges every day. In addition, it changed to a new one daily, representing the greatest golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, “So, what are the green fees?” St. Peter replied, “This is Heaven, you play for free.”

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the best cuisine of the World laid out.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man. “Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free,” St. Peter replied with some exasperation.

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly. In a forceful voice, St. Peter said, “That’s the best part, you can eat as much as like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick — this is Heaven.”

With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his halo, screaming wildly and taking the Lord’s name in vain. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.

The old man glared at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here years ago.”