Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
- Argued over nothing
- Refused to apologize when obviously wrong
- Gained weight
- Talked excessively without making sense
- Became overly emotional
- Couldn’t drive
- Failed to think rationally
- Had to sit down while urinating
No further testing was considered necessary.
Ancient wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
However, in organizations we often try many other strategies, including the following:
- Changing riders
- Buying a stronger whip
- Falling back on: “This is the way we’ve always ridden”
- Appointing a committee to study the dead horse
- Study other companies to see how they ride dead horses
- Increasing the standards for riding dead horses
- Appointing a group to revive the dead horse
- Creating a training session to improve riding skills
- Comparing the state of dead horses in today’s environment
- Changing the requirements so that the horse no longer meets the standard of dead
- Hiring an external consultant to show how a dead horse can be ridden
- Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed
- Increasing funding to improve the horse’s performance
- Declaring that no horse is too dead to beat
- Doing a study to see if outsourcing will reduce the cost of riding a dead horse
- Buying a computer program to enhance dead horse performance
- Declaring a dead horse less costly than a live one
- Forming a workgroup to find uses for dead horses
- Changing performance requirements for the horse
- Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position
Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table and to Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all!”
“That’s what everyone thinks” snickered Satan.
“The bottle has a hole in it!”
“What about the PC?”
“It’s got Windows 95!” laughed Satan.
“And it’s missing three keys,”
“Control, Alt and Delete.”