A Grandchild’s Guide to Using Grandpa’s Computer By Dr. Seuss

This is a slight variation to one I posted previously.

Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

You can’t say this, sir? What a shame sir!
We’ll find you another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang,

‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer, and be sure to tell your mom!

Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Female

  1. Asks you to take out the recycle bin
  2. Gives you the cold boot in the morning
  3. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them
  4. They work only when they want to
  5. It keeps you up late at night for no good reason
  6. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
  7. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference
  8. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
  9. The message, “Bad command or filename,” is about as informative as: “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you!”
  10. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on it