In Heaven

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St.Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered.

“On a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now, back off, or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!”

St. Peter was impressed.. “When did this happen?”

“…Couple of minutes ago.”

Get Out Of The Car!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her hand gun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason that she wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two twelve packs of beer in the front seat next to her.

A few minutes later, she found her own car, parked not more than four or five space down.

She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told her story could not stop laughing.

He pointed down to the end of the counter, where four pale men where reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges where filed.

If you’re going to have a senior moment, at least make it a memorable one.